The rain is pouring down, the clouds allow a bit of sky to show thru as the sun rises and fills up the Sky with Beautiful highlights of red and pink, grey and white and the bits of blue are tinted in a at that reminds me of Maxfield Parrish paintings I always wondered where that color really existed. Here it is ..
The birds are so beautiful singing the morning into the day. Here I can here a Gamelon musician playing in the distance. Cool and damp.
I sit and meditate, I rock back and forth in my grief, it hits me agin and again. again and again , m son died 6 weeks ago. HOw can it be tru? How could he be gone, so young so wise, so Shane. The tears are so real, yesterday, I had an afternoon while I shared with my roommate where it was me telling someone else story. No my story. Not my life.
Today I know again it is my life. I feel it in every cell in every moment, in each part of me, Hard to think how I can live with this. I have no choice, I must life with it, I must find new practices for my body an and should that not only let me live with it but help me process it, and maybe it will help other s also I don’t really know. but I do know I need to act on this
It is the time in my life for dancing and loving, and I wish taking car of my son with a new liver, but alas, he is not, instead, he is GONE. And I am here, trying to find a new way. A Purpose that is worthy of this deep loss,
Bali a place of healing or at least a place to find myself. Again, a place where the mountain is holding us. The jungle surrounds us. The sounds fill the empty places in the heart. A place where people are full of the love of the land. and who appreciate the family and community. Who live in harmony or so it appears,
Love it and feels it know that it is all so real and it is how we touch our inner most powerful places of love and where we find God
Because God is really all that there is
And how else can we live in this world
This must be a gift to strengthen my love and faith and so here in the beauty of the morning I find my grounding for a moment. In this world of distressing blessings.
Thunder in the distance … The day begins