A day that is like a deep sigh… I so enjoy the wonders of this place.
Feels great to have my knee allowing me to move more freely.
Lots of great food, more walking, time in the birds nest and then delightful dancers, from United Kjngdom, Canada, Australia, US there are 14 of us her to share in the beauty. And love and dip into the heart of the lotus.
There is another mother here whose child a twenty something Left
Just two weeks after Shane left. So her chaos of heart is even newer and sharper and stranger than mine.
We cried and complained and cursed and then together Read a children’s story out loud. A story of Fairies learning why they were here in their universe. Helping and serving healing the wounded among us. We know who we are the music makers, the rainbow color sharing, the touching and stroking, the hospitality, the healing lovely lotions and potions, the crying and laughing emotional expressive, the feeding and collecting lovelies, the parenting over viewers, the writers and reflectors, it takes a village or talents and love. And we all together hold the space in love and grace and meditative presence allowing it all to happen, and guiding ourselves and each other back to the core essence that part where we find were we really really are.
I’m loving the time alone., This morning, no tears, just a feeling like I’m going to pop with inner feelings. I’m rocking to bring myself into the feeling of the core, I want to stay in the heart in the brokenness sometime everyday. Otherwise it feels so unreal. Like it didn’t happen. I’ll go home and find out it was all a lie a dream and mistake.
Those weren’t his ashes, that wasn’t his heart I heard stop, that wasn’t his breath that didn’t return. That wasn’t wasn’t wasn’t wasn’t really it wasn’t.
I’ll dance my life in honor of the great love of my life this young man who came to me so young and left before he had a full life, no family, no wife, a love thank God, but where is the future. He help and supported so many but no future. Why.. Where and how can the world keep going on I ask. How can it happen?
Into peace I go, full of conflict and misery. Blessing and distressingly beautiful day.
Waking to birds singing and monks chanting. Must be Bali